Dear Internet;

I'm the internet sidekick of my real life BF. Huzzah! It's probably way more fun than it should be. My parents certainly can't understand why I'm so keen about it, but to paraphrase the immortal words of Will Smith—have parents EVER understood their offspring?

However—there's one aspect people are still having a little problem with. I've been ignoring it up til now because, eh, haters gonna hate, but a recent comment proved to be the straw that broke the camel's back.

...except it was more of a beleaguered 'Oh, fuck me, this shit still? That is IT" sort of breaking, but you get the drift.

I've already left a version of this response in the BFF video comment section, but decided to post a slighter longer and open declaration here for anyone else this may apply too, using the original comment not as a "HRUH HRUH COMMENT" (which is not my intention), but as a bullet list for organizing my thoughts in this matter. And while I should just ignore it (because, you know, haters gonna hate and all; and as fandomwank has proven no good will probably come of responding) I can't. I can ignore a plethora of barbs and shots taken at myself, but when someone starts talking shit about my friends because of something I'VE done, I get twitchy. If a joke sucks balls, I can remember that for the next time. If my acting is shit—well, I'm trying, damnit, but I'm an anthropologist, NOT an actress! But if people go around calling my friend a bitch because of shit I've written in the name of satire—then w'oh. W'oh. Sit around the campfire my pretties cause we're going to hash this out.

So I'm going to lay it out here and now in the hopes ya'll will either understand the workings of the Lindsay/Nella hive mind, or you'll cut ties with the both of us—a regrettable action, but the best course if we are indeed so distasteful.

The sketches in question are the Make-Over Fairy subplot of the Grease review, and the Thanks for the Feedback which addressing concerns about my emotional wellbeing as BFF Nella I am particularly Butt-Monkey-esque in these two.

The comment in question: )

I'm not going to take this monster of a comment full-on because 1) I'm writing this at work on my lunch break *peers over shoulder nervously regardless* 2) I'm not even ANGRY, I'm just….sigh. and 3) I never wrote a thesis in college and I have no intention of writing one now.

SO! The fast and dirty response:

1) "…other people and I found your treatment of Nella unfunny"

Ok, unfortunately, can't help you there. What we find HIGH-LARIOUS obviously is not for all. As I wrote both the Make Over Fairy and BFF sketches in question, mea culpa.

2) "…and at the same time a little damaging her psyche…"

Here, however, I've going to have to take SOME offense at this. I've survived early puberty, a plethora of inane crushes, my first boyfriend, college, the real world AFTER college, AND the trials and tribulations of the internet (and since the tender age of 14!)—my psyche is a little worn from ill-use, mayhaps, but is QUITE fine.

Though I thank you for your concern, kindly do not assume you know what is damaging to me. I know that far too well, and satirizing how society tends to treat and view people like me is NOT it.

3) "If she insists she was fine with it, so be it, but even if she wrote and directed the entire thing and forced everyone else to say those things about her it was still agonizing to watch."

Yes. I did force them. At gun point, in fact. I then laughed manically about it as I stroked my fat orange tabby cat, Piper

…wait, seriously?

Ok, ok, I do apologize for this. I understand a lot of the jokes we make about me (and about anyone in our merry little troupe of NChick personalities) would be seen as crushing for a lot of people, man or woman regardless.

I'm sorry if what I wrote caused anyone distress. I'm sorry if watching me be the butt of a joke (whether it was a good or bad joke I leave to personal interpretation) was agonizing for some. I'm serious about this. We all carry baggage that the world and our fellow humans laden us with. This is my way of gleefully dumping my load. I'm not going to stop poking fun at old wounds any time soon—but if it did cause you pain, I am sorry. Consider this an open and sincere warning—it's only going to continue, probably for as long as I live, and for as long as people are asshats towards other people. Consider me your mirror, folks—and I'm NOT the breaking kind.

I mean…do you really think I would jump in head first into Lindsay's reviews/sketches if I didn't back them 100%? Now THAT'S a depressing and rather insulting thought; that you, gentle commenter, would have such a low opinion about ME. That you think I would, in real life, be such a sheep to the whims and wiles of my long-time real life friend.

4) "To [Nella] I say don't make the audience feel sorry for you because that's simply poor stage presence, and to you Lindsay, please just once try to handle your viewers' concern without making such an asinine response."

I abhor pity. I adore laughter. Everything I do is for a laugh. Ask my 5th grade classmates about "Man Walking An Invisible Hyperactive Monster Dog", if you must. You could even ask my 5th grade teacher about that one, as she DID walk in JUST as I was being "pulled" by the dog's leash.

If you think I'm fishing for pity, then I'm doing it wrong. I need to go back to the Mad Sidekick Laboratory and fiddle with things. Maybe a sight less Abbott and Costello, a pinch more…er…eh, I'll think of something.

5) "Simply responding with sarcasm instead of seriously addressing the concern
doesn't make it go away."

No, it doesn't, but it DOES lay out the fact that, dude, it was NEVER a serious concern to begin with. Not for us, at least.

Besides, we had been looking for an opportunity to use the ”BFF, Inc" footage since last summer—the time was NIGH.

6) " It's like if I walked up to George W. Bush and said "Hey you're not very
smart" and he turned red in the face, bellowed an obviously forced laughter,
DERP DERP YOU KNOW ME" while hitting his own head with a frying pan. Yes, we
would all know he was being sarcasti, but it wouldn't change anything or make my
comment incorrect."

I was going to make a comment about how self-revelation is a wonderful thing and a necessary step in the Buddhist tradition, but *DODGES TOMATOES AND OTHER ASSORTED ROTTEN FRUIT AND VEGGIES*



And that's about all I can answer for myself, as I try not to be in the habit of answering for other people. The bottom line is if any one has a problem with the Make-Over Fairy or the TFTF: BFF sketches, then the blame is on me just as much as it would be on Lindsay. I wrote most of the damn things. I insisted on 'BFF' standing for "Big Fat Friend" over the traditional "Best Friend Forever" because my favorite gag is when something is topsy turvy of what the audience wanted/expected.

Also, I'm really fond of Steven Lynch songs, and I thought it would be fun to turn the 'Big Fat Friend' song on its head.

Ah well. Them's my two cents. Take them, and know me better, man.

This is BFF Nella, Out.

(Now, excuse me, I need to go back to work.)
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