Originally posted at That Guy With the Glasses. Archived here because they mucked about with their blog format and I lost all my shiny comments :(

Come with me, if you can, on a journey of exploration. Imagine, if you will…

Outside of your parents' house, torrents, DVDs and Hulu, you have gone without cable TV since college graduation; and even then, you were a casual viewer at best. You've managed to stay informed of the most fantastic of pop-culture influences; but on the whole, cable TV has become a strange beast, the Land Beyond Where There Be Dragons.

Now imagine you move into a new abode. You arrange affairs accordingly with a service provider, and--having been Tried and Found Worthy—the Day of Installation arrives.

No longer do you have only Internet, oh no!—now, there is Cable, and you have a TV with which to utilize such wonders.

But times have changed, my innocent friend, and the channels you once loved are not quite what you remember. Yes, you've been through such transformation before; like the time in high school you woke up to realize that you couldn't recall the last time MTV had played an actual music video.

Oh yes, you may have sighed for what had been but you moved on—MTV had been going down the tubes since Daria got a boyfriend, anyway.

But now—you turn on your TV, and find that the channels you once loved are now like terrifying clowns wearing the lifeless faces of the people you loved.

You find the History Channel waging a never ending battle between shows about Hitler and shows about Nostradamus. The Sci Fi Channel is now the SyFy Channel, proving that an excess of 'y's never makes ANYTHING better.

Luckily, The Discovery Channel is still entertaining; though there's a little less science and a lot more explosions that would make Michael Bay weep in ecstasy.

But TLC—


Oh, TLC.

In a way, TLC, I understand your tragic decline. You were always the rebound girlfriend when there was nothing interesting on The Discovery Channel. Poor ratings in the 90s necessitated a new line of attack. You'd been around since the 70s, after all--a make-over was needed. And oh, were you made over.

First it was the Home Improvement shows. And they were good. Many a project did I foolishly begin thanks to your easy confidence that I too could Do It Myself. Then came the Self Improvement shows. Dress right! Wear make up! Outward appearance is key to confidence!

--here is where we began parting ways. I no longer had cable, and you were just too…INTO yourself. Oh, there was a show or two I'd watch, but I felt like I didn't know you anymore.

Three years later. It's been a long time, TLC. We've both grown a lot. I went the way of Mythbusters and Dirty Jobs. You focused on family. BIG families. So I should have seen this show coming. After all, it so obscenely combines your love of real life medical dramas with your love of babies.

I am referring, of course, to I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, the show that makes the Feminine Mystique a Cthulhian Nightmare.

You have NO idea...So I'll tell you! :D  )
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