So. Avatar: The Last Airbender.

I am impressed. No, really. I’m IMPRESSED. I mean, how can you take a beloved cartoon, one BRIMMING with excellent characters, joys and trials and tribulations and friendship and betrayals and and and—

Cut out EVERYTHING that is good in it?

Maybe it wasn’t a terrible movie in the technical sense. It didn’t even destroy my faith in cinema the way that Wild Wild West did (but then again, that WAS the first movie that ever Hurt Me, Betrayed Me) What do I know, I’m no Ebert, my life isn’t Movies. But--
I mean, isn’t there a POINT when you are creating something that you step back and realize…Huh, you know, it sorta looks WRONG that our main good guys are white but their entire tribe is ethnic-looking. It’s sorta really BORING to having Katara only around to declare it’s time to go, to have Sokku around to…really do nothing, not even insert any much needed levity. Isn’t there a POINT where you realize how horribly you’ve miscast people, or how MIND-NUMBINGLY DULL it is to use landscaped voice-over exposition scenes to move the plot forward when that’s ALL you’re doing?

I could go on and on, like, exploring how the series addressed the issue of the Earth Nation’s enslavement and how they find the courage to rise up against the Fire Nation—and how the movie MADE IT REALLY FUCKING STUPID. But you know what? I just feel…numb. M. Night Shyamalan obviously didn’t give a shit about what he was doing, so, why should I even bother?
If M. Night Shyamalan made this because his daughter loved the series, than he must REALLY, REALLY hate his daughter. That’s the only way to explain how he managed to suck the soul out of something he was handed on a silver-screen platter.

And wow, Aang. Aang. Aang, Aang, Aang. I’m so sorry. You were such a fun, interesting, slightly tragic but AMAZING little boy of a character. But here…you’re nothing but a bland, blank...well…AVATAR of a character.

I can’t claim I’m a die-hard Airbender fan, I’m still working my way through the series. But to all Benders out there, you have my Deepest Sympathies. I know your pain. Take comfort in the fact that they may have fucked your Movie, but they will never take your Original.

Nella Out.
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If you've never watched "The Madness of King George", I highly recommend it. It's an absolutely smashing movie which takes place in a historical period I've always been fond of about a king I find rather fascinating.

HOWEVER….

Not 13 minutes into this movie, and I both had already fallen in loved AND was writhing in pain on the floor to my roommate's great amusement.

Now, there's a whole lot of historical inaccuracy I can overlook for the sake of plot, or for staging ease, or just because the director says "fuck all, it'll look cooler this way"*. I myself like it when things look cooler. The point is I CAN take historical inaccuracy with a grain of salt, because it's a MOVIE. It's FICTION (even when they are "Based on true events"). The point is to tell a story and that's THAT.

But nothing makes my jaw drop faster, my eyes roll backwards and foam start to come from my mouth than historical inaccuracy due to SHEER LAZINESS.

I know this is a very petty thing to get hung up on, but for ME to notice it within the 1.2 seconds it on the screen makes it a GLARING act of LAZINESS, so much so that I must take issue.

I ask you my friends. For a movie taking place in 1789, what is wrong with this globe that King George is pointing too?

I'll give you a hint. Jefferson wasn't President yet. And John Quincy Adams wasn't busting Spanish balls for land yet. Oh, and Daniel Webster wasn't busting Canadian balls for land yet as well. Oh hell, just scroll down and I'll give you a brief history of American ball-busting for land pre-1850.


Oh god! Oh god the humanity HISTORICAL INACCURACY!!!

Here's a brief review over why this map made my jaw drop (i.e. all the things that are on this globe that most definitely weren't there in 1789):

1) Louisiana Purchase, 1803: We all (mostly) know this one. Napoleon--having realized that creating an empire takes a lot of moolah, and having failed to re-enslave the newly independent Haitians (aw, SHUCKS /sarcasm)--decides to sell the Louisiana Territory ('tehrritorie', if you are saying it in an OUTRAGEOUS French accent). Jefferson hits that like the first of an angry god with a cool $11+ million, PLUS the cancellation of some $3.75 million of debt. Which, THINK ABOUT IT: Alexander Hamilton managed—through the consolidation of individual states' war debts into a national debt, the creation of a Federally-control National Bank (with a big FUCK YOU to Jefferson while doing so), and by pushing for a pro-Federal interpretation of the Constitution (again, another fuck you to Jefferson)—managed to make the American market legit enough by 1804 that France was hitting the U.S. up for cash, cash we could give them. EVEN THOUGH America had suffered CRIPPLING DEBT due to that whole 'War for Independence' thing almost 20 years before.

...Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE Alexander Hamilton?

Anyway, Jefferson, in his usual move of saying one thing and doing the exact opposite in real life, takes that money and COMPLETELY oversteps the Constitutional limitations of his presidential powers to authorize buying the whole kit and caboodle.

Proof, of course, that Jefferson always WINS, even when by his own philosophy, he shouldn't.

*glare*

2) Adams-Onis Treaty, 1819: This treaty, signed in 1819, was the diplomatic equivalent of John Quincy Adams** sitting on top of the Spanish foreign minister Luis de Onis and threatening him with a wet willy and a sound pounding unless he cried "UNCLE!! UNCLE!!! FLORIDA IS YOURS!! EVERYTHING ABOVE THE 42 PARELLEL AND TO THE PACIFIC IS YOURS!! THE RIVERS ARE YOURS!! JUST LET ME GO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!"

Needless to say, John Quincy Adams (and a lot of historians afterwards) considered this act of diplomatic bullying his single greatest contribution to American diplomacy.

3) Treaty of 1819: 1819 was a good year for American land grabbing. Not only did we wrestle the Spanish government into submission, but we got our 49th parallel border between us and Canada ok'ed by the British government. However, this line wouldn't be really set in stone until the Oregon Treaty of 1846 and the Webster-Ashburton Treaty of 1849. Which leads me to my LAST point…

4) The Webster-Ashburton Treaty, 1849: This mother fucking treaty wasn't signing until 1849! And yet there's Maine in all of it's glory on Georgie's globe!


GOOD GOD, IT'S LIKE THE DOCTOR OF GLOBES!!

…ahem.

This treaty was a sneaky, sneaky back handed win on Webster's part, which cemented the border between Maine and Brunswick, as well as cemented the eastern border between America and Canada at the 49th parallel, and extended that border to the Rockies. Also—as I recall from my high school history textbook—the only reason we have all of what we have of Maine is because Webster's ace-in-the-hole was "Franklin's map"; a map SUPPOSEDLY draw by Ben Franklin which proved that America had owned and therefore STILL owned more of Maine than Brunswick would have liked.

Conclusion? American: 1. Canda: PWNED!1!1!!!


So, just to recap...



*sigh*

I know what you're thinking; "my God, Nella, don't you have anything BETTER to do?" But COME ON. This movie takes place RIGHT AFTER the American Revolution had been won (…make that lost, as this is a movie about King George). You don't go out of your way to draw attention to King George's anger and disappointment over losing the colonies and then bullshit with a globe laying out 1850-ish American geography!

FOR SHAME, Movie, FOR SHAME.




And the Footnotes of my short rant…er…treatise…
*See Ridley Scott's Gladiator for an example of this.

** The then Secretary of State who would later be forced, while PRESIDENT, into giving an interview to a female journalist because he had a habit of skinny dipping in the Potomac that she found out about, and exploited to her journalistic advantage. HELLO WHY HAS NO ONE MADE A SKETCH ABOUT THIS?!?!?! Or, if someone has, WHY has it not been brought to my attention yet!
I saw Alice in Wonderland last night, and decided to sleep on it before I attempted to put my thoughts on the matter into words. This probably explains why I had a truly epic dream about a banished prince and his sorceress-knight and their adventures against sea monsters and an enchanted forest—

But I digress.

Down that old rabbit hole then... )

On the whole, I saw it. You'll want to see it too. I just hope you come out feeling more satisfied with it than I did.

Also, it is now my head canon that Alice was directly responsible for the Boxer Rebellion. THAT’S MY STORY AND I’M STICKING BY IT.
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First, there was Lindsay's review of My Little Pony, which included video of me re-telling with old My Little Ponies pulled from my parent's attic a popular childhood story I played as a Wee Nella (albeit with more big girl words for the video, but the heart of the story remained).

Then--thanks to popular demand--the the (mostly) unabridged video of my 'pony epic' was posted.

And then...there was the scholarly deconstruction posted at That Guy With the Glasses by Oancitizen, entitled, My Toy Collection for a Horse: Gender Roles and Comparative Mythology in Nella's Pony Epic

Dear Oancitizen;

First, the very fact that you gave a shout out to Shakespeare's Richard III with your title of this scholarly masterpiece endeared me straight away; "a horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!" Richard cried, and by god you ran with it. As it might be said, my prepubescent subversion of my judo-christian-greco-roman-centricity was showing. Who knew someone else could so impressively deconstruct the psyche of my childhood self, circa 5-8 years of age?

Also, I now intend to introduce "whoreducator" into everyday speech. I suspect my coworkers will be confused at first, but that it will quickly catch on.


In conclusion, with my compliments:


Well Done, Sir.

Regards,

Nella
Laurapalooza!: a con for all things Laura Ingalls Wilder

Good God. I want to go SO BAD. Like many girls before me--and I'm sure like many girls that will come—the Little House on the Prairie books were some of the greatest loves of my life. I read those to bits—I even had doubles of the books, so that my older, complete set might be spared the worst of the abuse.

Growing up, I wanted to be just like Laura—as a wee!Nella*, whenever my dad (which I used to think of as Pa, as he had a beard too!) needed help with anything, I'd jump to do so, just like Laura would have! And if it required heavy lifting, and my dad praised me after wards for my strength, you can bet your ass that in my mind I was thinking "STRONG LIKE A LITTLE FRENCH PONY!"

And you know, sometimes there are things I still do just because it's what Laura would have done. So yes, consider me keen on the idea of talking Little Halfpint with others.

...Now I wish I had those books on me…methinks this calls for a review of some sort in the future...hrum...


*and not a middling!Nella, when puberty hit and took away anything decent about me, until I clawed my way back out of adolescent douchery
So, [community profile] ontd_startrek and [community profile] ontd_ai are having a Fundraiser-Off for Haiti. That's right. Two lj fandoms are duking it out to see which can raise the most money for Haiti in 48 hours.

In the RedshirtCommand Gold corner we have [community profile] ontd_startrek, wank-free (…enough) GQMFs since May 2009, and weighting in at 7280 members!

In the Fuckin' FABULOUS Sparkly corner, we have [community profile] ontd_ai (No, that's not an ONTD for me, those aren't my initials but American Idol's), macro-fierce, 5689 strong and ready to either beat ONTD_Startrek, or have sex with ONDT_Startrek.

Why I'm telling you?

If you can, donate, go to the ONTD_Startrek UNIFEC page and DO IT DO IT DO IT!!!

And then pimp this to everyone you know, and their mothers. Or maybe not their mothers. But everyone else.

IF YOU CAN'T DONATE—PIMP IT ANYWAY. You have LJs. Twitters. Facebooks.

Yea, maybe it looks ridiculous, with all the glitter text, fandom-slang tossing, friendly cock-slapping. BUT IT IS AWESOME, because it's fandom coming together to do what needs doing. And because no matter who wins, NO ONE LOSES.

So! Come and lend your support! Whether it's with ONTD_AI or ONTD_Startrek I don't give two figs! Though, come on, ONTD_AI is going DOWN harder than Warp 11! But the deadline for this fundraiser-off is Saturday 9am (pacific time).

THE FUTURE IS NOW, BBS!


The ONTD_Startrek UNICEF donation page


For those of you without money: DON'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT. Do what you can to get the word out, and keep people who can give a little giving. If you are an artist, consider donating your abilities to [community profile] help_haiti. With a lack of stable infrastructure even before this tragedy, Haiti is going to need help LONG after we've moved onto the next big story.
Saw Sherlock Holmes Christmas Eve at midnight—you know you're far too invested in a series when you skip Midnight Mass for it.

I do consider myself a Sherlockian. Four years ago the amount of detail I could quote to you about each of the tales, of the "world" of Victorian England, and of the characters' respective backgrounds would probably make you smile, nod, and back away slowly. I could argue how many wives Watson had (I throw down for 3), where his bullet wound was (I say he was kneeling down, and the bullet passed throw his shoulder, hitting him in the leg. THERE. PROBLEM OF CONTINUITY SOLVED.) I am a bit rusty now, but I can still hold my own in "The Game".

However, I've ALWAYS been one for the crackier aspects of Sherlock Holmes canon; like, Rex Stout's 1941 speech upon how Watson, was in fact, a woman, or how Sherlock Holmes was in actuality, a Vulcan ancestor of Mr. Spock, or just the simple notion that Watson DOESN'T HAVE TO BE CONSIDERED A RELIABLE NARRATOR.

SHOCKING, I know.
If you are a tried-and-true purist for the Canon, go back to your sitting room, curl up with your pipe and tantalus and pretend like this movie doesn't exist, because you will HATE IT. You will hate it with the fiery passion of a thousand fistfights at Reichenbach Falls.

If, however, you are like me—who love a good, energetic retelling by people who OBVIOUSLY know their canon well and yet want to gleefully play with it, muss up it's perfectly parted and slicked down hair and blow some shit up in the process--

Well, then, what's stopping you?

I think my years of being corrupted by fandom, there's a lot I've learned to forgive by way of characterization, as long as you make me fall in love with the characters and the setting. People claim RDJ's Holmes is NOT Holmes. But the more I think upon it, the more I think "Wait, wait; he is—in a fashion".

Thoughts on RDJ's Holmes… )

The movie isn't perfect by any means—far too long, for one; it could have been compressed a bit. But the creation of Victorian London was to die for. I enjoyed the Macguffin, even though the villain was…well, I giggled more than I should have, probably. I think it was because he LOOKED more like a Sherlock Holmes than RDJ ever could.

I approve of the inclusions of Mary and Irene, though I feel that Mary, for all the smallness of her role, complimented the other roles better. Irene had a tinge of a feeling that she didn't quite belong, and perhaps rightly so. I did enjoy her criminal competency, however.

Words can not contain my love for Jude Law in his role as Watson. Spot On, Sir.

You know, people have the gall to claim that the problem with Watson in this movie was that he was too much of an equal to Holmes? Again, I think we've gotten snooty in how we view the characters. Watson was an intelligent, handsome doctor, who only looked dull-minded because he was standing next to Holmes. But in the stories, Holmes does acknowledge at times that Watson is using his intellect and Holmes' methods to good use. Watson may not be able to go theory-for-theory with Holmes--for who can truly keep up with that mind?--but he can hold his own, offer his own insights and experiences, and be side-by-side with Holmes as the solution is reached. Watson is not an equal to Holmes, but a perfect compliment. WHICH HE IS IN THIS MOVIE.

In Conclusion: Please sir, I'd like some more.
So, there has been no greater distraction this NaNo than the forum boards over at That Guy With the Glasses. Not even ONTD_Startrek has had as great a sirens' call—shocking, I know.

There are multiple amusing threads over there, and amusing for a multiple of reasons. But the one that's been tickling me the pinkest at the moment is the Is Miss Ellis a Hottie? thread on Lindsay's board, and mainly because of the segway from whether she is a 'hottie' or not, to vegetarianism; or more precisely, "Hrum, not all that keen on vegetarianism"/"ARGH MY VEGAN GIRLFRIEND ONCE THREW OUT MY BACON! MY! BACON! NOOOOOOOO NOT MY BACON!"

Which, as always, makes me think about Chesterton, and his praise of the Vegetable in it's Purest Form—

Alcohol.

G. K. Chesterton – 'The Logical Vegetarian' )
agentanachronism: (Pull the Other)
( Nov. 15th, 2009 11:14 pm)
I am currently embroiled in the Great NaNoWriMo Affair of 2009. We will be returning to your normally scheduled programming once November is done. And I've survived NaNo.

Not as mutually exclusive as one would think.
Well, it took far longer that I intended, but Agent Anachronism from E.V.E.N. reporting for duty!

For reasons too dark and time-consuming to mention here (and inspired by my work with the Nostalgia Chick over at That Guy With the Glasses), it is my job to debrief you on the entertainment and cultural phenomena of the "Retro Age" (i.e. 1950-1975).

My first mission: An overview of the hit 1960's spy show, "The Man from U.N.C.L.E."!

Part One:


Part Two:


Feedback--as ever--is appreciated, and is considered to be a vital tool in the fight against the O.D.D.
A while ago, [personal profile] grey_bard wrote a little fic for the Trek Novel Fest called "Species Diversity and You". I was asked if I would be interested in making a fanfilm version of the tale, to which I thought to myself--

HELL YEA I AM.

We unveiled it at the Star Trek Halloween party we threw last night--and now it's finally up for the rest of you to view! XD


Species Diversity and You: A Sexual Safety Presentation
Rating: Probably would be PG-13 if the MPAA rated fanfilms, which it doesn't, thank god.
Warnings: Innuendo, humor and mild subversiveness
Spoilers: Passing reference to an element of the Enterprise episode "Cogenitor"
Summary: A presentation from Starfleet Medical's Sexual Safety program, presented by excessively earnest representatives.

Species Diversity and You: A Sexual Safety Presentation.

By Antonella Inserra and A. Bertram Wilberforce

From the story by Grey Bard

I signed onto AIM, and lo and behold on the AIM home page, and article about and a picture of Bronson Pinchot pops up. And holy shit, it was like the flood gates where fucking opened, the hounds of hell released. I just got to experience the real life version of that dramatic scene in the movies where the main character who's lost all their memories/can't remember their traumatic past has it all come back to them in a sudden rush of images and sensations.

I remembered--

Perfect Strangers.

Shit son. 1986-1993. That was the time I was a real wee bairn of a Nella, the tender ages of 1-8 years old. Those where the years I watched Inspector Gadget, Get Smart, Adam West's Batman, and William Shatner narrating "Rescue 911" (I FUCKING LOVED THAT SHOW WHEN I WAS 4 AND UP).

And then there was...Perfect Strangers. Man, I can't even. You've just got to watch the clip. Watch it, and Know Me Better, Man.




My God. How had I banished this to the farthest corner of my mind? HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN BALKIE????


AND ON THAT NOTE, I LEAVE YOU WITH THE DANCE OF JOY.

agentanachronism: (Rowr.)
( Oct. 20th, 2009 05:01 pm)
Well. It was only a matter of time, I suppose.

Nellachronism!: The Life and Times of Nella, in 140 Characters or Less

YOU SHOULD FOLLOW ME. BECAUSE THAT MEANS I'LL FOLLOW YOU. AND WE'LL FOLLOW EACH OTHER IN A GIANT TWITTER-CIRCLE IN WHICH NOTHING SHALL BE ACCOMPLISHED FOR WE ARE ALL FOLLOWING EACH OTHER WITHOUT ACTUALLY LEADING. OR SOMETHING. IDEK.
agentanachronism: (Default)
( Oct. 13th, 2009 04:20 pm)
I WANT this dress. I don't even know if I'd even look half way decent in it, but I WANT IT SO BAD I CAN TASTE IT.

OH WHHHHHHHHHY must it be online? And so much money? I just can't bring myself to measure myself, order it, and hope for the best. But I know myself too well, I NEVER look good in the clothing I want to look good in. I CAN'T BEAR TO HAVE MY HEART TOYED WITH LIKE THAT, YOU GUYS.
A new umbrella strong enough to be used in self defense.

Now all I need is a steel-brimmed bowler hat and a smoking hot yet classy dame as my partner and I'm set!
agentanachronism: (Default)
( Aug. 26th, 2009 02:46 pm)
Sometimes, I don't know HOW humanity escaped the Cold War in one piece. Well, maybe not entirely one piece. Yes, I AM looking at you, CIA. But enough of a whole piece that now people look back on that time and think "Pfft, that was IT?"

But all seriousness aside, think of all the LULZ we'd be missing had we not had that Iron Curtain of Fear and Dread! (…anyone else get a mental image of Russia and America shopping for home décor? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?)

Take this palm-sized pamphlet my Lady Boss yoinked from the Archivist upstairs for example.



So you're in the Army and shit's just gone down? DON'T PANIC SON! Just follow the instructions in this ONE PAGE BACK-TO-FRONT FOLDED pamphlet, and YOU TOO might survive--and even prevent!--the end of America! )

So remember kiddos! If Indiana Jones can survive thanks to a lead-lined refrigerator, SO CAN YOU!

5th movie: Indiana Jones and the Leukemia of Death?
agentanachronism: by sobata (God DAMNIT England)
( Jun. 2nd, 2009 11:12 am)
England, I love you. You know this. I love you like the older, quirky half brother I might actually have (ah, the joys of being adopted). Your history, culture, patterns of speech, comedic turns, good times and bad amuse me greatly. You know that, push come to shove, I'd help John Adams drop kick Thomas Jefferson in the face if I could for saying France was better than you. And I know you're a nanny state, and your royal family is silly, and you're neck in neck with America for the title of "White Trashiest Country in the World", but your flaws...well, they've always been part of your charms.

But Good God, England, this is going too far.

England, you need another Chesterton and a good smack upside the head. Now, I know I could never hope to fill the intellectual shoes of that man, but don't make me come over there with a couple of friends and A Flying Inn.

I mean, my brother and I had HIGH HOPES--mainly involving you, us, a whirlwind run around Cornwall and a pub crawl throughout your land. My brother and I HAD A TOUCHING, BROTHER/SISTER BONDING MOMENT over this. DON'T DO THIS TO ME, ENGLAND.
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